During this internship I have gotten a better idea of what it means to be a missionary, of what it means to lay aside your personal life, to commit fully to your mission. A lot of the time it is neither a fun nor easy process. I did not choose how to feel, it was reactionary. It was all spiritual.
About mid-way through the school, I started going through the process of mourning the “spiritual loss” of my family. It happened suddenly. It took me two weeks to put words to how I felt and this process continued throughout the internship. I realized what it was like to be fully committed to your mission and to have less contact with things back home. It felt like a sacrifice.
The theme of teaching this year was 'Unbound'. In the beginning, I reflected on this theme but did not get much out of it. And now that the end is near, I have thought about it more and can more fully see how God was using it in my own life during this internship. I was learning how to live on my own. I was learning more of who I am apart from my family. Finding my individual identity. I was learning how to cope and deal with people changing and events happening back home that I could not be a part of or have a say in. I was learning how to not be restrained, or bound, by these things.
During the same time I was learning how to not be bound in my own life. There was one week that was really hard for me. Have you ever felt like a failure, not good enough, incapable, or not confident enough? Those feelings weighted upon me the entire week. It was a battle between my old self, and the person that God was creating and making me to be. A battle between letting myself be bound or choosing God and choosing to stand up and stand out.
I have chosen God. I have chosen to let him mold me and create me new every morning. He is good to me.